Little Kate had a very clear idea of what it meant to be “good” in relationships. I grew up learning, quietly and subtly, that being loved meant being easy, helpful, agreeable, and putting other people first. Like so many women, I believed that if I tried hard enough, stayed kind, and kept everyone happy, closeness and security would naturally follow. For years, this shaped how I showed up with others. I became the good daughter, the good friend, the good partner. I over-gave, overthought, and adapted myself to fit the relationship I was in. Even when chronic illness and burnout began to surface in my teens and twenties, I kept pushing, convinced that needing less and doing more was the way to stay connected and loved. But living like that came at a cost. The more I ignored my own needs, boundaries, and signals, the more anxious and disconnected I felt in relationships. I didn’t feel safe being fully myself, and I didn’t yet understand why closeness often felt stressful rather than steady. Everything began to change when I stopped asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and started asking, “What did I learn about love and safety?” I began to understand how my nervous system, early experiences, and people-pleasing patterns were shaping the way I related to others. Learning to listen to my body, rather than override it, became a turning point — not just for my health, but for my relationships. Today, I’m in a secure, committed relationship that feels calm, mutual, and supportive. Not because I found the “perfect” partner, but because I learned how to show up differently. I learned how to feel safe in connection, communicate my needs without fear, and stop abandoning myself to keep the peace. That’s why I do this work now. Because secure relationships aren’t about getting it right or being more lovable — they’re about learning what safety feels like, and choosing from that place.